So…I was drunk when I wrote my last post

And I was actually surprised how eloquent it came out…despite the few typos. You’d never have realized I was 2 margaritas and 3 beers deep. Maybe you would’ve have if you know that I tend to rant when I drunk. But, you don’t know me that well! 

I think something I missed in my last post was that I equate physical strength and endurance with mental strength. I think they’re very tied together. Like, someone who’s weak (i.e., has no muscle), flabby, no stamina…is also someone who would have a harder time carrying on through crisis. I think part of the reason I believe this is because I think by nature, most people don’t actually like working out…ya know, unless you’re lucky enough to be able to exercise by doing something really fun like playing basketball or ice skating…but most people at my age, work out at the gym. 

And going to the gym as a 27 year old is tiring. It takes motivation. It takes forcing yourself to go when you have other things you want to do. It takes forcing yourself to go when you often haven’t had enough sleep. It’s just easier not to go than to go…and we all need a little extra easy in your life.

And then, when you get to the gym…to make progress, you need to push yourself, your body, to do something harder than what it’s accustomed to. Whether it’s lifting heavier weights, doing one more rep than yesterday, running for another 5 minutes, pushing yourself to run faster…whatever it maybe, you’re pushing your body to do something it isn’t used to and doesn’t really want to do.

So I think all of that builds mental character and mental stamina. I think it doesn’t just make you physically stronger, but it turns you into a stronger person. After this past year, and I literally mean starting in January, I’ve noticed that that’s an area where I need to improve. It’s too easy for me to “freak out” or have a breakdown. I don’t want to be so easily breakable. And I think the can-do attitude that I’m trying to apply to exercising is one that I can also apply to life. And in the long run, it will make me strong.  

so here’s a sad story…

The bf and I? We broke up. So now he’s the ex-bf, and I’m the ex-gf. On top of that, we’re not really talking because I wouldn’t exactly call it an “amicable” split. 

It’s hard because I miss the ex bf more than anything. Just about all of our free time was devoted to each other. And when we were together, we were talking on gchat, or on the phone. It’s like I had forgotten how to be someone who wasn’t just the gf…and be my own person. It’s been a little more than a week since we broke up, and I’m slowly starting to find myself again. It feels good…and horrible all at the same time. When you spend so much time with a person, it’s like they become a part of you. It becomes unnatural not to think of them…not to want to share an exciting part of your day with them. And as far as a break up? That’s the worst because you can’t find comfort anywhere. The one person who could offer you comfort is the one person you can’t go to for comfort. What could be worse than that? 

Even though the bf and I broke up, I’ve still been going to the gym. Honestly, I’ve found myself more motivated and more into the gym than ever before. Mostly, I think it’s because I need something to take my mind off my situation. I’ve already been to the gym three times this week…today, I did the elliptical for 30 minutes, the stairmaster for 5, and than I ran on the treadmill for 10 minutes. It was a good workout. I see how much more muscular my legs have become. And I was looking at my butt in the mirror while I was on the stairmaster, and it’s definitely looking better. All of this is exciting for me. The hard part is? The first person I wanted to call was the ex-bf. God, it’s still so hard to even call him that. It gives me a sick feeling in my stomach, After I worked out, I weighed myself. 

And I kind of couldn’t believe what I say. I went on the scale, and put the weight at 100, and then moved all the way to 150 with the lighter one. Then I moved down slowly through the 140s. I got past 140, and moved down to 139, 138, 137….135…and then finally it balanced at 134. I couldn’t believe it. I weigh 134. I’m less than 10lbs from my goal. 

I used to fantasize while I would be running on the treadmill or on the elliptical of how exciting it would be when I got to 125, and the ex-bf and I would go to the beach, and I would love so good and sexy in my bikini and he’d be so excited to see me and wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of me. That was such a motivating factor. I loved the idea of being sexier for him. I knew he was really focused on improving his body, and it was kind of inspirational for me and for the first time made me feel like I was capable of achieving the body that I wanted. 

Now, I don’t have that motivation…and I find myself being motivated by other things. For instance, I want to be stronger. I want to have more physical endurance. I want to be able to run. I don’t want to be as susceptible to pulling muscles. And I don’t want to end up older and out of shape. I realize how important it is to keep yourself fit, and what a difference that makes in your long term health and quality of life. It’s also so invigorating to run and to sweat and to feel my body hurt and burn. It makes me feel alive. It makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something. Lately, I’ve been experiencing so much emotional pain that it’s almost a relief to feel physical pain. 

Today, my legs were KILLING me on the stairmaster. But I enjoyed the pain. It was a distraction from the emptiness I feel in my chest and that hollowness I feel in my stomach. 

Anyway, I’m not sure whether the ex will ever read this, whether i’d know if he did read it…and whether he’ll ever post on here again. I know this is a sort of roundabout way of reaching out to him, which should know better than. There’s really no point. It’s only painful. I’m not going to get what I want. And it’s only delaying the moving on process which should not be delayed. 

But mostly, it’s hard for me not to think about him when it comes to this. I felt like my exercising and weight loss was so tied to him, and inspired by him and encouraged by him, etc. He’s the person I want to talk to about it. And it sucks that he’s not here for that. 

I should also mention

my legs are getting much more toned…especially my calves. And my ass? It is getting TIGHTS. 

xoxo

~Girlfriend

Weekend

In terms of fitness, this past weekend was both good and bad. It was good because I had the most intense workout ever on Friday. I did 45 minutes of cardio and abs. Obviously this may not sound that major to some of you, but for me, it was pretty major. I burned over 400 calories. I was very pleased. And my abs? They’re still sore. I continued to weigh around 140 (with clothes on) all weekend.

As for the bad. I ate. and I ate. and I ate. This weekend involved so much yummy food…I think I made up for all the calories I burned.

Anyway, it’s a new week…and I plan on eating healthy and exercising mucho. At least I’m not actually gaining any weight…and I’m losing really slowly..which is…uhhh…healthy lol.

My goal is still to be between 135 by mid June, and down to 130 by mid-July. Can I do it??? I think I can, I think I can, I think I can! 

~The GF

In other exciting news:

I lost another pound! YAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!! I am now down to 139 (fully dressed on the scale). So exciting!

-The GF

Here’s an action shot of me on the elliptical yesterday. 

I know my last post was negative, but overall, I’ve had a good week for eating healthy and exercising. I’ve been keeping my calories low, the eating choices I’ve made have been mostly good ones, and I’m on schedule for going to the gym 4-5 times. 

Yesterday afternoon, I hit up the elliptical. I’m not sure if I posted about this—but last week running, my shins were hurting a bit…so I’ve decided to take a break from running for a little bit, and do the elliptical which is much easier on my legs. 

I know people can be critical of the elliptical as opposed to the treadmill, but I feel like I get a really good work out. My elliptical routine is 30 minutes, and I do 5 minutes going forward on 5 incline w/ a 3 or 4 resistance (I hustle), then I do 5 minutes backwards. Then I move up to a 10 incline and do the same, and then I move up to a 20 incline and do the same. I usually burn about 10 calories per minute, and drip sweat. So, needlesss to say, I was pleased with my workout yesterday. I rewarded myself with an ice cold green tea from starbucks after. 

And today, it will be off to the gym again—round three. 

-GF

So…I’ve been really bad about updating

I know. I’m awful. A terrible blogger. etc. etc. etc. 

I have an excuse for not updating—I’ve been a total fat ass and eating a lot, I only made it to the gym 3 times last week, and today was my first day at the gym this week. The sad truth is, I’ve been avoiding posting because I feel guilty about eating as much as I’ve been eating and exercising as little as I’ve been exercising. At this rate, I will not meet my goal. 

Either way, today I’m updating because I do have positive news to report. I went to the gym today and exercised for 30 minutes. I plan to go to the gym 3-4 more times this week (thurs, fri, sat, and maybe sun?) and I plan to eat healthy. In other positive news, I was 140lbs with my exercise clothes on. So that must mean that I’ve lost a little bit of weight—and that I weigh somewhere between 138 and 140 (I’m hoping). So that’s the positive…or what they call the silver lining. 

~The Girlfriend

Back to Legs Day

Today was the first day I have worked out legs since my knee injury.  It was also the first time I made it to the gym before work in a LONG time… and it was a success.  My knee hurt a very little bit doing lunges so I went easy on them but I hit legs and even went on the bike for a little bit afterwards.  Hopefully I can keep up the good work and good nights sleep to continue going before work so I don’t have to later at night.

oh and my GF has been working out and eating fairly healthy, even though she hasn’t been updating, incase you were wondering.

- BF

Knee Injury

I don’t know why GF has not been posting but I have been crazy busy, too busy to check tumblr, and to work out.  On top of that my knee has been KILLING me.  No idea what is wrong with my knee, it is getting a little better every day, I am taking it easy and icing it at night.  I didn’t bang it or strain it or anything, Monday morning it just started hurting for no reason at all, and at times so much that I could not walk or even stand.  Luckily it is getting better.

In the mean time cardio is out of the question, I worked out back and bis yesterday and after work today I am hitting chest and shoulders.

- Boyfriend

Still not back to the gym

I went home for Easter and first of all, it snowed, so there was no tennis or running going down at all… aaand we did not make it to the gym (GF and I).  I got back late Sunday night, Monday turned out to be a 12 hour work day unexpectantly, and tonight I may be away from home staying with GF so I won’t be around my gym.  Either way tomorrow it begins again…